Fear of Longevity



 

I’d like to write to Karena
like I’m in a faraway place

I don’t have much to say lately
though every torn apart tire looks like a snake

my friend slipped on the rain I wished for
while I thought I could really die out here

when something happens the same way a couple of times
I make a conclusion about it

I wonder if humanity will ever get zoomed out enough
to know what right and wrong really are

how it’s possible to want to leave the world
without killing yourself

I said I’ve loved everything

I was talking about a singer who is not from Nebraska
but who sings about it like he is

like I sing about the places
my dead friends are now

lying on top of Loren’s grave
Chris asked if I believe they’re still around

I said yes or otherwise I don’t know
who’s been talking to me

& I guess that’s when I started to understand love
as a series of small explosions moving toward something stable

I just need a place I can drive
two & a half hours north wanting to die

& come back anyway

CL Young (she/they) is a writer, artist, and intuitive currently facilitating Sema and TUNING. clyoung.info